Hope 2016-2017

hopeanchors

I sit here and the first thing I feel across the lands and sea is the loss of hope. I feel this through many levels of emotions carried from the loss of loved ones, current events, personal devastations, cruelty, betrayal, relationships, loss of possessions.. It all leads to the same darkness where hope is lost and despair is felt from all avenues of life where loneliness exists with weeping hearts, desperately seeking a reason to believe anything good is left.

If only things could have been different…Where did it all start to go wrong?…..What could of I done or said differently?….Why didn’t I?

Looking back in life we all can clearly see how powerful our choices were regardless of whether it is for the good or if misfortunes travel in and out of our lives, by weighing in more on the troubles we experienced, losing sight of the treasures of life that reflects hope.

How do we illuminate hope once again? What if we would consider the misfortunes that could be transformed into fortunes, what needs to be uncovered?

Why was so much time spent with covering up our true feelings that lead us into making poor choices that went against our true self? What was we so afraid of that caused us to lose sight of the possibilities in life? Would it be safe to say what I was afraid of, I ended up blocking the flow for something better? Why did we give in so much to fear and not trust the whispers of my soul (gut) that were yelling out from our core?

Why do we feel we don’t have a say in our life? Why do we feel that if I am me it is a sin or a disappointment of some sort? Why do we feel that I live with a secret in me and it is wrong? Why does it feel so right then?

Left feeling tired, not even having the energy to figure it out, the hurdles that you face are overwhelming and you lack greater possibilities now that you have passed up on so many before. You are left living a lie by not being true to yourself….Ah yes, this is where we lose hope.

Just what if….What if we just take a look at all the great possibilities that are out there waiting for you if we just trust? What if we do trust and follow through, what is the worst thing that could happen? Having others disagree with your direction as you disagree with how others think you should live your life? Isn’t it your life to choose? There will be hurdles getting there but at least you’re going in the direction that resonates true to you. You can be more determined on the journey without the burdens of despair by being something you’re not.

What about self confidence? Am I good/worthy enough? Who am I to think I am enough to have fortune in my life? Look at my past and the weight of my family’s beliefs – am I deserving enough? Will the ones I love still love me? What if I fail and am left alone with shame? Why do I feel like I am already alone with shame? Have I failed already, why do I feel like I have?

What is missing is me! Could the reason things aren’t working out be that I am marching in a circle? Could it be that there is no path, I am going in circles and feeling defeated?

This begs the question, “So how do I break the cycle?”

They say each day is a gift; a new day, a new start. What they are saying is it is my new beginning, my new start. I am not able to change the past but I can start over by taking each new day and making the change that I could have made before by doing it NOW.

There will be effort involved. Not wanting to make the effort to get there is still a part of you, but you know from plenty of experience what the results of not making the effort are in your current existence. No matter what you do it will take effort. Only now you’re doing what brings that push of wanting to get out of bed and show up in life, this is living a life that comes with hope where promises lie ahead from the energetic waves of your heart.

Changing your confidence, living your truth, having a good outlook on life, having compassion for humanity, honing the power of loving yourself to discover how easy it is to love another and receive the same love that is shaped perfectly for you to become the better you as you radiate the same to your partner and others; these all come with making the effort.

Hope really isn’t that far away….We have today.

2017 is a year of hope that comes with many changes in your daily patterns. Excuses fade as you transform into developing your life by learning new things to improve your quality of life. You show up, release yourself from this bondage that keeps you from your own happiness from emotions, false beliefs, people and things. Battle your fears by breaking through them doing exactly what it is that yearns from your soul, trusting the guiding light within you. Try again with a new improved plan when the previous one doesn’t work. Letting go of the attachment to the finished product will illuminate the passion. Understand that what didn’t seem to work out took place to help you see that there was something better waiting for you; allow yourself to grow into it.

Breaking the circle and creating a path that is now of your choice radiates hope and promise for a better tomorrow. It doesn’t mean you won’t experience misfortune in your life, but as long as you have hope you will find the good in everything regardless of how the tables turn. For there is always treasure waiting to be found, you just need to be awake to find it, this is your guiding light into a brighter future.

The universe has a driving force of energy which radiates love into your veins with hope that you will feel the energetic force that inspires you to stay true to you and live a life that spreads this love with one another, after all we are all angels in disguise.

This is your life, show up for it!

Happy New Year!!

~Lisa Salaz

Healing full Circle

philme

A man I grew up calling Phil was more than that, he was my dad at a soul’s point of view….

As the days pass by I have been bathing in deep thoughts honoring the memories leading up to the last breath that left his physical flesh. Illuminating my emotions, reflecting those particular moments that came with a profound sound on the purpose of our journey together….. helping each other heal.

I sense a need to share a personal and unique relationship between my dad and I. Let me take a step back here, I didn’t always call him dad, not until I moved him closer to me in the last 2 ½ years. My husband and I moved him here to Colorado into a retirement/assisted living home to be closer to us, with him being under my care. I listed myself as his daughter, he would tell others with trust and love that I am his daughter. This man’s name is Phil; this is the name I have always called him growing up because he was married to my sister. They both decided to become our legal guardians raising my brother and I when I was 6 years old in addition to giving birth to their own children. I never addressed them as mom & dad, it was my sister Janet and Phil, they took care of us.

In my heart it was always much bigger than that. My sister was always my saving grace, in my eyes she was my angel that always rescued me. These are words and thoughts I never shared out loud, it was just the way I felt. Phil was the one who always provided for my sister so that she could take care of us. He was up leaving to work before sunrise, returning at sundown. He would eat then rest on his chair until bedtime. My sister & Phil went through many heartaches raising my brother and I. Phil’s mother didn’t approve of the idea but it didn’t stop Phil no matter how much grief his mother gave him and my sister Janet. They stood by us, making sure we were included even when others would push us out, leading to many arguments of rejection; from those we call loved ones, causing more pain that was already there before we came into the picture. Then their was my own mother – she was the reason why Janet & Phil decided to raise us. She was a highly dysfunctional alcoholic, always showing up and causing problems, always tearing my sister & Phil down with abusive words and threats.

I, as a very observant child would watch all that was going on around us. I had so much love in my heart for them, my heart would begin to weep for I would hear them fighting mostly over us. Seeing and hearing the family rejecting them constantly, they began to reject each other. Then of course there were life’s daily struggles, finances, health, repairs that needed to happen, and on top of this burden they cared for my brother & me. I would cry myself to sleep so many nights begging God to make things right but nothing would stop, the noise would just get louder. I was full of guilt and shame for I felt like I ruined theirs lives, if just we weren’t in it. At the same time I was grateful and scared to return to what we came from. Janet and Phil wouldn’t have these added problems if it weren’t for us, their kids could have their parents without all the trouble that came with my brother and I. I became quite troubled emotionally, never feeling liked I belonged, those people are right that warned my sister and Phil not to raise us, for it would only bring them more problems. All I wanted was to feel love with peace in the home, I am the root of the problem of this. I started just not caring with no confidence in myself, I definitely believed loving me only comes with obstacles and heartache. Well with this belief system brought on an attitude that only brought on more problems leading them where they were always bailing me out in my mishaps. Which just added more guilt and shame on top of what I was already carrying…Why can’t I make anything right??? Spirit would always tell me I was loved and special, I would cry back yes I know but how does that help me here? So I thought…..

All the guilt and shame I carried with me, I would indulge in more alcohol trying to numb my pain from the cries of my burning heart. If I didn’t pass out I would pray myself into a sleep asking to help me forgive myself, they (spirit) showed me through their love I was already forgiven, it was me that hasn’t been able to forgive myself, therefore I kept punishing myself. I would add to my prayer to please open up a door for me where I can give back to Janet and Phil for all they have done for me. I never knew how, just bless me this opportunity to give back with gratitude for all they have done for me and my brother.

Many years later after my sister passed away, I cried every day for 2 years. She was with me all the time during those years, just as she always was when I was broken. I knew I was holding her back in her own spiritual journey home. I thanked her and would tell her I promise I will speed up my healing and free her to enjoy her place in the heavenly kingdom. I had so many beautiful moments, chats with her, I got to share everything with her regarding how I “really” felt in all those years, what was really neat is I didn’t have to say much she was able to “feel” me, it was just a knowing.

I grew…the day came I said okay.. I can take the steps from here, please don’t stray to far me, I love you always! Thank you for staying with me! The calling in my heart was still there to give back…Phil and I had grown closer, he would come out and visit us quite a bit, he just wanted to get away, he would come for a week, one time stayed 2 weeks; honestly he never seemed in a hurry to leave. He was always known for not having much to say, this is how everyone remembers him – “he just doesn’t say anything” – and I was one of them. During these visits we would sit out back or on the front porch and we would visit, sharing our stories, the guy really was interesting with much to say.

He carried much regret with him. Yes he had his wrongs, but in my eyes he was a Very Good Man! He was very kind, good to me, my husband and my kids. I saw a man that was unselfish, he didn’t ever want for much, what he had he gave to my sister his wife, and us kids, even his winnings from football pools. He would take that money and give it to my sister and tell her to go to Vegas with her friend. Actually he was always pretty lucky at winning things, I always believed it was because he gave from the heart, without any attachments, he just wanted you to be happy and have a good time.

As always life started to change again, I was building a stronger relationship with spirit, healing my wounds, remembering who I am and what I always yearn to do with my life. Our son was graduating from high school and we were in the works of moving to a new state. Meanwhile Phil was drinking much heavier which sank him in the darkness he was trying to battle, alcohol made him weaker with false hope and choices. I was now settled again, he would come out to visit still; only this time a lifetime friend would drive him here. I would see in his eyes they were deep, lost and sad, tears would just flow.. I would tell him he needs to move here with us, he would stare at me for a long while and say oh no honey, I have my home in Tijeras. I would say well we will just have to wait and see…

He was rapidly sinking deeper and deeper to the point of not caring about right and wrong anymore, starving for affection; he then made a poor choice which took all that he had. This is when my husband and I went to NM and picked him and moved him here. All I knew was my heart was fully invested in him. I saw the sadness, fear and shame in eyes that I have known in mine when he and my sister rescued the 6 year old girl in me. I wanted to bring back light into his eyes by showing him pure love and gratitude, I knew I didn’t want him to leave this earth with this feeling in his heart. He was much better and deserving than this, I would do all that I could in the hopes of bringing a smile back in his eyes and love in his heart.

I got him settled and started volunteering at his retirement home so he would get involved in activities. I knew if I was there he would show up and he did, he still had his head down and would cry, each time it would be less and less. He started making jokes with the rest of us and visiting more with others. He started showing up for the activities when I wasn’t there. We would take him out with us on outings, bring him over for the day, have dinner and watch a movie, go out for lunches, sometimes eat at the park. He started sitting up more, engaging in our conversations, laughing out loud, sharing stories or just things that he knew. We all were very comfortable around one another, there was no stress, only love, peace and laughter. I visited him frequently at his place, almost daily. I enjoyed just stopping by when I had time to burn before the next activity on my schedule. We would talk about all my sharing, he would tell me about his Alaska television show he loved watching, or we would just watch a show together.

Meanwhile Phil’s COPD was getting more complicated with more frequent visits to the hospital, we had quite a few close calls with him almost passing away. I was becoming more protective over him, always making sure we were doing everything we could, most of all making sure he knew I loved him and that I was right there for him every step of the way.

One day he had his worst attack, to the point of the doctor was informing me that this may be where we pull everything and release him to God’s hands. We made a choice to give him every treatment possible since we were at this point of making this decision. Phil came through it, the doctor told me if this didn’t get him the next one would. I knew this as well…..I looked into Phil’s eyes that night I told him “Don’t leave me yet” he looked right back and said “Okay, I won’t.”

In the next 3 months Phil was doing really well. He bounced back, of course he was still on oxygen and had many breathing treatments throughout the day. The thing about Phil was he always looked good, considering his health concerns. He was just a guy on oxygen, but in the blink of an eye he would go into one of those breathing attacks gasping for air. He was still coming along in good spirits as I was leaving from of our visits. I was walking out and I could feel deeply another attack was coming very close; I felt that this was it, there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

Within a week he was back in the hospital – this one was different. We were both silent, we would sit there, turn to each other and move our shoulders up and nod our head, both feeling and knowing the same thing. We knew we couldn’t change the outcome, we were out of any extended time. I was frustrated with the doctor on duty, he didn’t understand the extent of damage of his illness. Phil was treated as if he was okay, with comments from the doctor such as, “Oh, he looks fine”. The staff didn’t even have him on the monitors. I would keep bringing it up, feeling restless, I would feel and hear strongly in the whispers of my soul, it doesn’t matter, at this point it won’t help or change anything……

The next day I woke up and shared with my husband a powerful dream I had with spirit radiating love, support and encouragement. They were teaching me using the spirit of a mother bear, allowing me to feel her energy. Feeling her emotions as she was doing what her instincts guided her to do when it came time to let go of her cubs helped me, but it is still never easy, we just know it is time to let go.

I knew this was to tell me it is now time for Phil…..That day he passed.

My prayers have been answered, I just had to be patient for Divine timing for the day to show up. For we all need each other, we heal by giving back from our scared heart without attachments; just pure love and gratitude. My sister Janet and Phil saved me from a dark place in my life, and I was given an opportunity to help Phil in a dark place in his life. We both experience the light and love of healing by giving back.

Thank you Phil for giving me a chance to save myself by rescuing me from my childhood circumstances, and thank you for gifting me the opportunity to be there for you. We made a full circle together recovering our soul’s previous wounds.

~Lisa Salaz

 

When life becomes pointless……

wishingwell

When life becomes pointless…..

If we just focus on all the wrongs in our life, it will all start to feel pointless. Take a moment and observe the wrongs in your life that you see in your situation and with yourself personally. What can you change? When we experience what feels like road blocks it’s time to go deeper within and find what we are truly seeking and wanting. If you have the desire you will discover that there isn’t any situation that doesn’t come with a solution. If you convince yourself there isn’t anything you can do, it’s because you’re allowing your fear to change your destiny, no matter what another will say to you that points out another direction. You’re going to stick with the story in your mind and become more angry at anyone trying to tell you different. You will find yourself saying things like, “It isn’t that easy”, “You don’t know what I’m going through”, “I have tried, nothing works”. You are still cradling your fears. In all honesty the person trying to talk to you is a gift from the universe and is doing this in the hopes of pushing you out of this hopelessness you feel within yourself.

We have a choice to stay in the same habit of feeding the “there is nothing I can do” beliefs in our mind. We justify it with, “All these things are wrong or against me. I am exhausted, overwhelmed and stuck in this mundane life”. Or you can use your mind as a tool, feeding it with the desires from your soul and with the dreams & visions that feel so real. Your highly charged emotions which filter through these visions are the fire which ignites your will to represent yourself in this world and cause real change to come about.

If only I had the courage….Courage comes from within, past the story in our mind. Deep down we are all spiritual warriors when we use our body, mind and spirit as weapons. You will face your own fears and hone the willpower to take action, moving forward with these powerful energies. Staying focused, with a clear head and determined, yet not loose, scattered, overly aggressive, hot tempered. These are fears sinking in, throwing the energies off balance. Beware of these energies and recenter yourself, continue the journey. Staying conscious you will see you can get past the ordinary circumstances. Seeking another way beyond the roadblocks you will defeat them. With true willpower you will conquer through each of your fears and succeed against what you thought was impossible.

Your spirituality is your truth, fortune and quest. Stay in the motion of the wheel of life.

You can do more than just dream….

~Lisa Salaz

A Name….

Basic RGB

For one moment imagine you didn’t have a name; who are you? We attach ourselves to our name and the conditions that come with it; just sit at the conscious level of just being you with out any attachments to your name. You are a field of awareness that doesn’t come with an identity created from the mind; it is knowing who you are beyond the mental image of you. We are given challenges throughout our experiences to come to this very awareness of our true being. There is a God, a powerful form of energy which represents eternal love, creation, aliveness, peace and joy. When you remove yourself from your story that comes with your name, you will arrive at this knowing that is deeper than just knowledge. This will shift your attachments away from your old story that comes with density of sorrow, fears, anger, anxiety, control, manipulation, emotional & physical pain and self betrayal through false beliefs in God. Each experience will eventually come to an end, which is many times grieved as one would with death. We are experiencing a part of death in many cycles in just one lifetime, an end will be followed with a new beginning. This is the intent if you choose to surrender from the mind’s story of you. 

~Lisa Salaz

 

Who Am I

whoiam

picture by Louise Hay

I came across a post that was shared on Facebook from a friend of mine. What got my attention were the words “Who Am I”; words that we all can relate to at some point in our lives (I know I have). I was intrigued to click on the link and read on, it triggered so many different feelings within me that I was inspired to share. I started to write an inspiration post as I do most days, but as it got longer & longer, I heard a voice say “newsletter” so here we are! I would like to share the link with you first, then ask you to return so I can continue to share with you….https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/08/19/narcissism-is-an-identity-disorder/

Post narcissism identity disorder “Who Am I” was me for the longest time, building up from the shame I lived with from my past. I have hit rock bottom several times, losing myself and wishing the true me could live. “Who is the true me?” was the question. I buried her in layers influenced by things & people outside of me. My quest into my spiritual journey has brought me to where I am in this moment of my life. At one time I believed it would take a miracle to find peace & spiritual prosperity, what I didn’t know at that time was that I was the miracle. The miracle was waiting on me, falling to my knees, surrendering, letting all my junk come out into my personal space, feeling it once again, looking at if from another perspective, a divine perspective that was for my highest good. This is where the healing began, I became the miracle through soul searching and becoming one with myself, the discovery of “who I am”.

I know there are many levels of this personality disorder where some are more extreme than others, the longer you’re in it the darker it becomes. Fortunately I wasn’t the extreme of this, yet to me it felt like it was huge, for my pain sourced deep. I would recognize others that were suffering as I was and handling it much harder. It gave me a confidence boost to know I was making some recovery, yet I knew I was fragile. Narcissism really is suffering from a lack of confidence, as I mention this comes in many levels, some being more extreme than others, the more extreme the harsher they are with others, the more defensive they become by avoiding their feelings, the deeper the personal struggle they live within. They portray a mighty persona of confidence but it is an artificial energy, a desperate cry for validation.

I witness many suffering the lost of identity, often being asked in my intuitive coaching sessions to help guide them beyond these conditions. As I shared with many of you before, spirit has often shared with me personal obstacles and struggles from my personal life which will be part of the teaching. I thought to myself, why would I want to share my junk that was the root of my shame & pain? Because sharing my personal suffering from my past gives the promise of recovery to others. At a core level I would be able to sense what others were enduring, sharing spiritual guidance to bring back the nourishment needed for them to sparkle once again.

Back when I was suffering, I was far from recovery, not understanding how I would be able to help another when I didn’t know how to help myself. They reminded me that I am the student, as long as I follow the guidance of my soul I will have the necessary ingredients to find my way out into the light. I had so many anxieties, fears, lack of self worth, fighting for confidence; I knew I had self worth, I just didn’t know how to own it without a fight.

I’m telling you when we stop looking outside of ourselves for validation and go deep within our soul, we will discover truth that is uniquely ours that no one can give us. This is your truth that comes from your personal relationship spirit/God, when you tap into that allowing your soul to marinate in this profound knowing, it shifts everything you feared into a lifestyle of peace and personal empowerment. It’s a process that takes much love and time to heal, the only shortcut is surrendering and letting go of these layers known as the many masks we wear to cope in society. Stop and think for a moment; are you really coping? We lie to ourselves so that we can think we are, becoming quite defensive when anyone tries to tell us different. We are uncomfortable being around anyone that is able to see our truth or speak of this truth; we will use health, religion, the blame of our upbringing, the experience of losses from loved ones or jobs and material things, insults or judgments on others to excuse us, or to make us look or seem sound for the way we behave.

Since I too have been a part of this circle as well, I am able to recognize it from my own personal experience and am able to “feel” the energy of another from a core level to see their true beauty behind the facade they are showing in their multiple personalities to protect their pain. Many times I have seen them be diagnosed as bi-polar, depressed, high anxiety, or just known for losing their mind by becoming dysfunctional where they have turned to some sort of addictions to cushion their unsettled spirit.

When I was lost in this cycle of “who Am I”, I was trying to fit in, being what I thought I had to be for the mixed society of people. This included family, work colleagues, acquaintances of all sorts, religious leaders, but I always felt out of place. Their beliefs, ideas and choices weren’t mine; do I dare try to be me and deal with rejection? Even though I was creating just that – rejection. We all want to belong don’t we? As time went on I was trying to be everything but me, this caused much confusion, losing my true identity and becoming dysfunctional in my behavior. You see, the truth is that your true self is still in there, it comes up every so often and when it does if feels good. This is the part that gets others including ourselves excited with hope and love. Yet it scares us to the point that we revert back (much due to habit) to what we think others and ourselves believe is our normal. By this time we have created many versions of ourselves behind the mask, these versions have sparks of truth of who we are at a core level, being our true identity. But our mind believes differently for we have lied to ourselves enough to override our true goodness. We mirror ourselves to others that have this same identity issue. There are many different levels of this syndrome, all in the hope of reaching at a divine level the same destiny in your core where your true identity lives. We attract ourselves to others to feel comfortable in our roles. We like to attract to those that are weaker to make us feel stronger, or break down the stronger in the hope of leaving them weaker to match our own weakness; this is how so many dysfunctional relationships come together.

The silent cries in the human heart want to break this cycle, yet feel so twisted in it that they don’t even know where and how to unravel it all. A soul search begins, even this leads us through desperation attaching us to those that feed off the weak. When your soul is hungry it will keep pursuing until you meet yourself personally at a core level. All these obstacles are your guiding light, the thirst is your truth that will set you free, becoming the true essence of “Who Am I” to “I AM, That I AM” without attachments.

Peace be with you,

~Lisa Salaz

I Have A Secret

lisa

I lived a secret my whole life, a secret that was so dear to me that was was so full of love and hope. A secret that I wanted to share and give to others, the problem was so many lived in fear and were full of judgments because of their fears. When I brought this up to them they would become defensive – our defense comes from our minds fighting with our spirit’s truth.

My first emotional feeling that I remember is “fear”. I had fear all around me, there were so many fights emotionally and physically with those that I loved, I would hide and watch the pain inflicted on my mother by these men that had lost all hope in their own lives, taking advantage of my mother and raping her, leaving her passed out, sometimes I too was apart of these actions. I learned to master how not to be noticed, keeping my breath very shallow, keeping so still that I could almost feel myself disappearing to avoid the pain these people would pass through our home. My mother gave up in her own soul as well, thinking that there wasn’t any good in mankind. She has loved deeply and been betrayed deeply to the point of if you can’t beat them join them; this is when I started seeing them beat her up emotionally & physically even more than when she still had hope inside of her.

As a little girl I found kinship with the animals and insects, this is part of my journey of knowing that we’re all energy. Just like the loving energy that I would feel comfort me when I was so full of fear and tears. I didn’t know exactly who it was, I just knew “spirit” loved me and soothed my pain. They communicated with me telepathically; no words were exchanged, and this was natural. I spoke very little when I was a little girl, I spent so much time alone that I created my own language. The only one that was able to make sense of me was my brother. The most communication I had was with my personal relationship with spirit; most would call it “imaginary friends”. That is what the grown ups would call it when they that couldn’t explain or care to listen, their fears and judgments were already in place.

Spirit would always try to calm my anxiety down. My fear ran so high that I had a hard time doing this; but their love was so warm and strong, it is a love beyond our understanding here. I would absorb this love up and allow it to blanket me and fall asleep to it. I would beg them not to leave me, they assured me they were always with me. I remember them sharing with me that all of this is part of my life purpose and I will understand it one day – that I was much stronger than I realize.

When I got older I recall my sister would tell me I lived like an animal back than (she & her husband rescued me from the environment with my mother). You know in a sense I was like an animal, I lived solely by my instincts. I didn’t have the care of adults around me, I didn’t have a language that was known to mankind, I spoke very little, and was guided only by my instincts. I would disappear in a room and be an observer. I was able to feels other’s energy, their emotions, thoughts and their next course of actions. I was surprised that these people were not able to pick up on the things I was sensing and fall into these traps they set for each other. The other big thing I noticed was that even though they didn’t show it, they also had much fear inside of them. Very rarely would you hear someone say what they were really feeling from their soul. When one person did, they were cast out with the anger from these people – how dare they say what all of them wanted to but wouldn’t dare, for the fear of change or admitting they were wrong.

When my sister & her husband took me in is when I started getting educated on how to speak English and go to school to gain knowledge, playing with real kids, going to bed at night in a clean warm bed, eating actual meals; life started to change. I started to feel like I belonged somewhere that might bring hope and give me the ability to escape my fears.

I still knew that spirit was with me; my instincts were still the wisdom of my soul. I tried speaking of this a few times, and right away got knocked down for it. I started to feel pushed away, so immediately I would shut it all down. I wanted to feel like I belonged even though I knew something wasn’t “real” in this thing that I wanted to belong to – it wasn’t real like the spiritual realm. I felt I was trapped on this Earth and had to find a way to survive in it and not tell anyone my secret.

I would use my instincts / knowing throughout my life without letting my secret out by giving what some would call “advice”. In reality I was sharing what was being relayed to me from a spiritual knowing. So many would ask me how I knew the things that I did, I would say oh I don’t know I just guessed. There were a couple of times I tried to tell where and I could see immediately they would get uncomfortable and start pulling away; so again I would turn it into a joke and say I was guessing!

I went through a few periods of my life drowning my spiritual side out, and this is when my life turned into a living hell. It gave me a whole new meaning of “fear”. I started seeking spirit again, begging for forgiveness for forsaking them. I would turn back to spirit and rely once again on them. Of course they were there, just waiting on my return. With each return to spirit I became stronger and stronger, being able to get over the hurdles in my life. I learned what didn’t work, I also learned spirit was the only way to freedom of the bondage we feel in our human flesh with man made beliefs. Even though people claim their dogma is from God, is it really? God doesn’t manipulate, judge, reject another person / soul because of their ways. I love the Bible for it shares so many examples, like the one where Jesus invited Matthew the tax collector to eat a meal with his disciples and the religious people became upset; Jesus shared the words of wisdom of His Father that he came for everyone.

To make a long story short, spirit has been preparing me for a long time to do the work I do, which is my secret with spirit. It took me until 4 years ago to get the courage to start the process of doing this. Why did it take me so long? Because I never knew what it was like to belong; the only way I could belong is by going with man made beliefs. I knew when I tried before I was shut out of the spiritual realm. I knew that by choosing spirit I was going to be shut out by many on Earth, but spirit also showed me it will be from those that cling to their religious dogma the strongest that will cast me out, and it has been so.

Does it break my heart that these people shut me out? Yes! My husband & kids are rejected as well (from members of their own family). I don’t hold anger toward these people, I will still welcome them into my home and fix them a good meal, give them a warm bed, help them in need as spirit shows me. Even though I know we are not welcome, as Jesus said to his father “Forgive them Father for what they do not understand”.

My husband is a Godly man, he doesn’t preach at you, judge or ridicule you, he lives by the golden rule “Treat others as you would like to be treated”. My children are gifted as well, both as little kids when they were able to communicate from their Godly self, they would share with me seeing loved ones in the afterlife. Our son Brandon pointed to Mama (grandma) – in spirit she was standing next to him. He too has strong instincts, a knowing that only comes from spirit. Brandon & I would talk telepathically to each other for it was just the two of us for a while there. I hadn’t paid attention that we were doing this until he started school and they said he had a speech impairment. I was shocked, they started asking questions about how we communicate in the house and that is when I took noticed of what we had been doing. Our daughter Maria she sees loved ones that have crossed over, she has met her spirit guide, she sees spirits trapped between worlds. Both of these kids are wise with spirit that comes from them, not of my influence or teaching. I bless them with them owning their gifts and that they use them wisely in this world. Since birth I would lay down with Brandon at night for prayers, saying the Lord’s Prayer then start opening up communication with spirit. Every morning driving to school Maria & I will say the Lord’s Prayer with added sharing from our heart. No we don’t go to church every Sunday, yes God is in our hearts every single day and mentioned in our home, our home is full of love and you can see and feel the spirit of God in our home by the way we live and treat each other and those that come into our home.

Yes I am doing what I have been guided to do by spirit by creating Inner Spirit Rhythm. It has been a bumpy road for I was still very nervous doing it, yet I knew I had to. After all it’s part of my divine purpose here. I started off taking on man made beliefs regarding spirit and again I started to feel shame with spirit, for I wasn’t trusting them completely. Spirit reminded me how they protected me as a child and throughout my life, they still will if I would trust & have faith in their teachings. So I am keeping it loyal to their ways, after all this is a gift for a divine purpose. Yes I charge a price, so does the church, it is all tithing – that is how it is shown to me. I don’t take advantage of people and I give way more than what is asked for. I don’t post on the social media to brag about the powerful readings shared, I give in the name of spirit and let it go in peace.

For those that say you love me but have to reject me and my family, so let it be. Also I like those to know my family still loves and welcomes you in our home in our hearts as Jesus does.

My secret is that I love God and the whole kingdom of heaven. It is this truth that saved my soul from darkness, it is this truth that gifted me with my instincts to know what is of man and what is of God, it is this truth that I have been blessed with my husband, children & dogs. If living this truth bares the pain of the hurt of others that don’t match their religious beliefs, I pray for you too, as we keep marching in our faith always with love for all of you.

Amen

~Lisa Salaz

It’s no wonder……

dandelsparkles

Why so many give up and get desperate; there are so many broken promises and false expressions of love and support out there. This last year I have been sitting back and observing this more than ever on social media and hearing it in the community around the world. People withdraw more & more into their own very private village, better described as a cocoon.

I have been pondering deeply on this, why so many act like they care about the world & the people, yet they stay in their cocoon….being completely honest with myself, digging deeper into the core of my own soul looking for answers to so many why’s?

First I ask myself how many times have I been guilty of this and why. What was I really feeling at the time when this was happening through me? What about those broken promises of my own? This is no longer about blaming anyone else but myself. This was there for me, so what was it? As I am feeling deep into my soul in the moment, I could feel so badly that I wanted to give to another what I really felt they deserved, I just didn’t feel worthy enough to follow through. Why? Either I didn’t have the financial means to deliver on the promise or it was never really in my reach to deliver. I left feeling shameful, embarrassed and guilty for promising something I couldn’t deliver. Needing to band aid my poor behavior, I was coming up with false reasons to justify my broken promises, leaving me feeling that much more full of shame and guilt.

The thing is I was able to tell by looking into the eyes of those I was speaking to they didn’t believe me either, they were just going along with my reasons. What could they really say? It wasn’t like I was going to disagree with my own reasons. I hear myself saying, “Lisa why did you promise something you couldn’t deliver (or chose not to)?” I was hoping something would happen to change my situation so I could follow through. And there was a time where I was just wanting someone to like me or take me in that moment for whatever that may have been. That moment was really nothing to remember. I just wanted acceptance and became desperate for it.

Ah the broken promise that I chose not to deliver is even more painful to admit to myself and out loud. I have to say a sense of jealously and envy was around me like a cloak. The idea of benefiting another path that my own lacked, the ill feeling I felt deep inside of me left little confidence that I could bring any value to a promise in my own path or for another. This was just another reminder of how I felt like an epic failure. I didn’t realize this at the time, but genuinely helping another paved the path for me as well. As the saying goes “What goes around comes around”; when you give authentically from your God-like self, you will take notice of how blessings circle back into your life as well.

Another scenario I felt was when I was asked to do something, I really didn’t feel like I wanted to help, and I knew I wasn’t truly planning on showing up. I just knew I would come up with a good reason for bailing out later. I was feeling pressured that if I didn’t say “yes” I would be looked down upon, so I avoided that feeling by saying yes and finding a way to bail out. I left feeling bad that I didn’t want or wasn’t interested in helping. You see I was always forced to do things if I wanted to or not, never having a say, so I always felt anger which was always brought forward into my life.

These are the few feelings I had surface when I put myself back in those moments of being guilty in broken promises. This is what I was feeling deeply that had an effect on my words and my deeds or lack of deeds. I was very insecure even though on the outside I showed confidence through my attitude. I was afraid to say how I really felt, for as a young child growing up I was always getting in trouble for it from the adults in my life and being told to act the way they said was right, regardless of what I thought or felt about it. They was tell me to go along with it or I would be shamed. So I learned to say whatever was needed or I thought was expected of me. My true feelings were looked at as nonsense and devalued. I took notice of how beings have a tendency to value each other by looks and financial status. So I was always trying or I should say acting like I was in the game! God how I hated myself throughout this whole facade that was exhausting, pointless and above all painful to my body, mind & spirit!!

This is what I happened to me when I disconnected from my soul and followed mankind’s beliefs. When I asked why I should follow those beliefs, I was always told “Because that’s the way it’s always been done”. In my own personal relationship with spirit I knew from early on these situations were to challenge us to take a stand on what is right from our God-like self and be blown around in the twists and turns of mankind. I felt overwhelmed, I felt mankind holds the power here on Earth and they have no fear of God. If I don’t follow the beliefs of this world, I will be an outcast. I wanted to be loved, wanted, needed and accepted with a sense of belonging. If I wanted these things I would have to play along: so I put my personal relationship with spirit on the back burner. This is when I felt my soul fell into turmoil, I was confused, lost, and was steadily losing all control of my life, sinking deeper in dysfunctional emotional & physical behavior.

The screams of agony in my soul would cry out “Why can’t I just be me?!”

I could feel the love of spirit moving in closer to me. I felt like I was being cradled, meaning I could feel how soothing their love was trying to comfort me and bring me back to truth. I was still unsure because I didn’t see how this would work; after all look what happened to all those who walked in God’s name. They endured much suffering for it. Before I could even finish, spirit showed me how rewarded those who came before me were, blessed richly for their deeds. They gave the people hope and promise for eternity.

So first I needed to start by forgiving myself – I had a trunk full of guilt built up inside of me, which made a huge impact on my confidence. This was done by spirit showing me that they knew my heart and pain, the reasons behind it and they also knew how much I wanted to do good. Therefore I have their blessings; they are waiting on me and my peace was with them first. Forgiving myself made it so much easier to forgive others in my life that started this roller coaster of destruction. I knew many of my actions towards others wasn’t really about them, it was being passed on, and on..I was passing it on too – it had to stop here and now, starting with me.

This is when I started breaking out of my cocoon, transforming into my true colors. I was still timid as I started to take flight and I promised myself I was not turning back. I was going to trust my internal spirit and not go back to where I was when I was detached from spirit. I still had to face rejection and judgments, but this time I would listen to the whispers of my soul and how to cope with that, being reminded to use my past experience to help me understand with compassion, which eases up the frustration and judgments upon others.

Spirit showed me the importance of helping the community by using my personal gifts and talents where and when I am needed. This knowledge will be a calling in my soul, it is these projects that have a soul purpose to help another out. If you are moved to help someone in their passionate calling or for their healing, there is a way you can be a part of it. There are many ways that help can be provided. For example if a family lost their house to a fire, a leader steps forward asking the community to help and build this family a practical home, needing help from others that can provide time, talent and expertise to get the task done. Money, materials, labor and much more is needed; there is room for everyone to contribute. There is a need for a bookkeeper, errand runners, someone to bring food for the workers, someone who can loan machines needed for the job, even donating from a business that could help this project. If everyone came together from their God-like self, there would be a house built utilizing these talents, and the reward each would feel in their soul afterwards is a feeling that is too big for words.

If I am not able to give something of myself, I am honest up front with an honest reason and I let it go. I no longer need to be defensive about it. I know in my heart if there is something that I can do I will. We feel in our hearts when it is a soul movement. I no longer look for approval by looks or financial status. I always make a point to treat others how I would like to be treated.

I am with joy & peace in my heart. I give thanks for every day, including my challenges. I know each one is a gift to improve my soul’s purpose for being here on this Earth at this time. I don’t take things personal; of course things at times sadden me. However I know that if I did all I could do then I did my part. This part had a bigger purpose that isn’t known to me at this time, I just need to stay in movement.

We are not here alone, we have each other. Spread your wings and take flight where you can make a difference – this is what you will be remembered for.

Always with love & blessing to each of you,

~Lisa Salaz

 

 

Loves me, Loves me not?

 

heartforest

How many times have you repeated those words… Loves me, Loves me not?

We love the fantasy of love so much that we lose sight of what love truly means. It is much more than the hot physical attraction that soon fizzles when the soul connection is not there. Just what if you could flee from sexual immorality, how would that change things?

Many years ago I was seeing this strong Christian man. I was confused because he would never go all the way with me sexually. I became frustrated, asking him what was wrong. I even asked him if he was gay. He proceeded to tell me that God’s word says that we are not to have sex before marriage. I looked at him with so much confusion; why would God say such a thing? I laugh about it now as I think back on my words. You see I grew up being sexually molested, it was all I knew, I never knew or believed it came with boundaries. I believed men had the right to take what they wanted, I will say I hated it, thinking I didn’t have a choice in the matter, it’s a man’s world.

This experience left me feeling very confused with sexuality. I was still a girl that had desires, the problem was that each time I felt sinful, ugly, disgusting. I hated men for taking from me what I thought was mine, I hated myself for wanting more as an adult. How can I want something that is ugly, what kind of person am I? I even one time thought I should be a prostitute, for I would manage and make money off it; they’re going to take it if I like it or not anyway. But I knew this wasn’t something I really wanted; it was just the anger and hurt crying out from me.

The reason I was so stunned that I replied “Why would God say such a thing” is that men as long as I knew and women have been having sex just as naturally as eating. Aren’t we all God’s people? That I did know, so it must be okay, the only way we are free from this agony is to become a nun. Was that what I really wanted? So I played the game as I had learned, crying myself to sleep many nights.

When I seeing this Christian man I was in my twenties at the time and I told him I didn’t want to see him again; I was embarrassed and felt very unworthy of such a man. This man’s words echoed in my mind many times, I thought that he must be the only one who believes this. Of course I went on with my life where with every man I was interested in it was a sexual thing first, and it seemed like there was always alcohol involved, to help me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it or enjoy some of the experience, it just never felt right in my heart.

I did like some of these men more than others so in my confused mind I would think perhaps with a few of them, “Is this love?” So I would start manifesting the thought of being in love, I tell you the thought of being in love was more beautiful than my reality. Thinking well this must be as good as it getsdoes he love me, does he not?

I would even grab a flower and pull each petal going all the way around to the last petal repeating does he love me, does he not? You know most of the time it landed on “not”. I would throw it away and say that it was just a stupid flower!! When it did land on “yes”, I knew deep down it wasn’t so, but I still wanted to play into my fantasy, which always ended in pain. It was all in my mind – it wasn’t realty.

I would ponder often in my soul of how it would be if I could meet a man without the physical attraction & sexual activity first; what if? We could fall in love with each other for our souls, our true authentic selves. I figured it wasn’t possible, because a man would not stick around long enough if his sexual needs weren’t satisfied. I always left pondering if what this Christian man told me had any merit.

I met my husband at the time he was in Macedonia serving his last year in the military. He sent me a message online January 31st, using those IM pop up boxes. I had stopped talking to men through these because it always lead to the same thing – they had a quick small interest in you and popped a sexual question, and “when can we meet”. But on this day for some reason my instinct told me to respond to his IM which said, “So you like candles?” which he found on my profile. I replied and from that point we talked to each other through nonstop IMs, emails and phones calls, talking about everything under the sun. Everything flowed naturally without any effort. I was testing him on some of his responses that seemed to good to be true in character, using different life experience scenarios, knowing that if he really felt that way it would still apply to everything else and he was always true to his word. We exchanged pictures and he arrived back home May 1st, 2000. We married August 19st, 2000.

So many believed that this was crazy, we didn’t know each other and yet we did, we both knew we lived a previous life of sin, regret & turmoil. We knew what we wanted and didn’t want, we both had God in our hearts, only wanting good. We knew we had much growing to do and saw that potential in each other; we knew that with both of us together the impossible was possible. He loves me, as I love him!!

Yes God is good, I met someone without the instant physical attraction and the sex that followed. We blended together getting to know each other, our souls became one with God. Life isn’t always easy for us, but we know together we can get through it. I am grateful I listened to my spirit and trusted my soul’s whispers; if I didn’t, I would have given up long ago and stayed living a life of pain. Now I know what it is to feel love and make love.

1 Corinthians 6:19

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself – honor God with your body.

Honor, love, and have patience with yourself, trust the whispers of your soul, know your boundaries respecting yourself and your choices, live your life being in love with life; love will come your way.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all you loves & lovelies,

Lisa Salaz

Breaking the Blues

goldgift

In the last 10 years I have been trying to rekindle the magic of the holidays, trying so many different way to bring in the cheers from decorating, baking, family and always with love and gratitude for spirit. Something in my soul was empty. My sister that raised me from a young age introduced me to the spirit of birthdays and the holidays; but when she passed on 10 years ago something died in me. Each holiday after that my heart would sink and I began to dread the holidays. This would even sadden me that much more because I loved the holidays! I love the spirit of it all, gift giving/receiving, rejoicing, decorating the house from one side to the other, the smell of delicious food and goodies too!!

Each year I would continue the traditions, but I always found myself holding back the tears year after year. I would always have quiet conversations with myself such as, “Lisa it’s time for you to make it your own”. I would break down crying even harder saying, “Dear Lord will this pain and sadness ever leave me?”

You see life is always changing; nothing remains the same. We even change with time; for the first 7 years of my life I never knew we had birthdays or holidays. When my sister brought them into my existence I thought it was pure joy, everyone was laughing, singing, and there were hugs for everyone! Oh my goodness, all the decorating and baking cookies with Christmas songs playing, decorating the tree was so magical! I never wanted any of this to end. However, as the years passed it did. My sister tried so hard to bring a change into the family and she did, but everyone’s troubled heart in between those good times took over and the anger that resides within each caused more pain to be inflicted upon each other. My sister began getting weaker and tired; she was tired of the fighting. This is when I noticed the slow change; her health with each year declined until she returned home with God.

By this time so much hope had been lost. The family was buried in sadness, pain and personal conflict deep inside us. The biggest mistake was that nobody talked about anything, it was as if they were told to just keep quiet. So we did and this created our own version of what we “think” happened. We really don’t know how to talk with one another to express our hurt feelings. I know it all boils down to the fact that we are all feeling the same thing – wanting to feel close to one another and be loved. So many things have been said and done to each other that caused so much pain and loss of trust, will it ever be resolved among each other? I don’t know…

My sister would tell me “Let it go, I have tried for years to bring the family together, it doesn’t work, look what it has done to me”. So I did and now I have grown closer to God who has been healing my own personal wounds.

The Shift happened…

This year has been an emotional roller coaster with changes and self discoveries which I know most of you know don’t come easy. I have noticed major shifts within me, not sure what I think of them, I just know something isn’t the same anymore…The best way I can explain it would the calm after the storm.

I have been praying more than I normally do this year, and I tell you it is plentiful. I have no idea where I am going from here, all I know is that something new is on the horizon.

When October arrived I was saying to myself, “Argh – here we are going into the holidays again”. But I noticed something different; something shifted in me, that feeling of sadness didn’t feel like quicksand in my heart now. Hmmmm… Could it be “breaking the blues”?

I put my decorations up for Halloween, than Thanksgiving, feeling a sense of joy, walking by them with a smile from my soul with whispers of “thank you” coming out. This is the first time in 10 years that I am looking forward with pure joy to putting my Christmas decorations up. I am excited to bake cookies thinking of who I would like to give cookies to; if I could I would give them to everyone!! I want to reach out to the hospital to bring gifts & music to the sick children, looking forward to singing Christmas songs while our daughter plays her Violin or Piano and having our son come out for Christmas. Within all this holiday magic and joy I feel it all radiates with my love for God, the seed within me blossoming once again.

May your Thanksgiving be as full in your heart as it is in your tummy, and may the spirit of Christmas open your hearts to all the little miracles we have been gifted with, giving back with love & gratitude.

Hugs for everyone,

Lisa Salaz

Wisdom of the Soul

girlgrass

 

My work comes from a calling that has been with me all my life, but I could never put a name to it; nothing ever seemed to fit the magnitude of this feeling. I have searched and searched here on this earth plane for anything close to this feeling. What I have discovered is that there isn’t a word for this feeling! Once you feel it you just know it is God, that is how I know God exists. I just know what it feels like – like something bigger than what we know here. It comes with a power that is meant to strengthen us that only comes from the voice within, this is the whisper within that I call the wisdom of the soul. You know it isn’t coming from the human flesh, this wisdom elevates your human wisdom, when its received you just know it’s a gift from spirit. This gift was given to you with love and now you are to show gratitude and apply this “wisdom of spirit” to your life as needed.

Spirit speaks to us in many different forms, such as the voice within or it can be as I like to call it an angel in disguise – which is people that come into our lives unexpectedly. Many times it is someone random that will share words that were just for you and you know it; you walk away whispering “thank you.” Messages also come about things that trigger something deep within your core; I know many of you know this feeling and have experienced it; don’t ignore these moments. The more you pray and communicate with God the easier it is to take notice of these messages that guide you into pathways that answer your prayers.

When I tell people about my life, many of them tell me, “Lisa, you got lucky.” My dear friends, trust me it had nothing to do with luck. I have gone through my own personal hell; I admit much of it was my own doing, especially when I pushed God out of my life. I was angry and didn’t want to hear what spirit had to say. I felt it was easy for them since they aren’t of this earth – the people control what is happening down here, they can do whatever they want here and with me with their laws & beliefs. Anyway who would believe anything I have to share, say or give that comes from spirit? What I know about spirit is that much has to do with faith, something that so many let go of quickly.

The natural ingredient here is believing in yourself. When you believe in yourself you are also believing in God, believing in God you’re using your God instincts. You get to enjoy all the possibilities that life has to offer in the “Gift of Life”. The abundance of this life comes from your “God like self”. You have all the tools (instincts) within you to create the life you seek just by being yourself, just realize that good things don’t come easy – it’s a true testimony of faith. Use your instincts which come from your senses; some refer to instincts as a gut feeling; it’s like a built in compass that points us in the right direction. You know we really can learn much from the animals for they rely on their senses to maneuver from one place to the next. We are in such awe of how smart animals are, it’s instincts baby!!

You see I gave all my power away to mankind since it is them that rule, even though I knew deep down that they were going about things in the wrong way. People still believe, accept and follow. Why? Even they aren’t even sure. They just know it has always been that way so they accept it. Coming out of the box of this belief system takes spiritual courage, for you are walking a different path that burns of truth in your soul. I took this path, so many times I wanted to run back to the old ways because it felt more safe, even though I was miserably content. I had the fire so deep within me that I was going to challenge this and go with the “wisdom of spirit” in my soul and see where it took me. If it didn’t work I knew the rest would always be there, for nothing changes there other than things becoming more complicated. I have to tell you the first part of this walk was filled with extreme loneliness. I had to shed many people and old habits out of my life. This is where so many give up and I understand. I would remind myself if I give up here do I really want to return back to my old ways which come with empty promises or do I continue the march to see what is on the horizons? I wanted to see if what I believe in my soul is to be true.

What I have found is that I always had it in me. I was so busy listening to others telling me what I can & cannot believe or do that I wouldn’t trust my own spirit. I have learned that when I was guided by others who shared words with me which I knew weren’t normally from them, or others visiting me in a quick passing, were ways spirit communicated with me – how do you know which is from spirit or human wisdom? Again it comes back to trusting your instincts; it’s just a knowing that is undeniable to the soul. 

I am in a place in my life I visioned and believed at one time that it would take a miracle to achieve. It happened and now I see that the miracle was waiting on me. I am still growing and marching and still encounter road blocks from time to time. I no longer see this as quicksand, only a place to reflect on what it is that I really want next and how it is that I am going to achieve it by listening to the “wisdom of spirit.”Inner Spirit Rhythm is all about promoting True Soul Empowerment whether it’s through a coaching session, courses, daily power boosters shared on affiliated networks or words of wisdom shared on Blog Talk Radio “Dial In Channel Up”. It is for all of us to grow together and empower each other with, leaving for the next generation to build from with the intent of bringing us closer home to the Kingdom of Heaven. It is about where we come from and where we will return to. This life is merely an experience, a temporary one; what we do with it is what matters. 

Heavenly Love, 

~Lisa Salaz