I lived a secret my whole life, a secret that was so dear to me that was was so full of love and hope. A secret that I wanted to share and give to others, the problem was so many lived in fear and were full of judgments because of their fears. When I brought this up to them they would become defensive – our defense comes from our minds fighting with our spirit’s truth.
My first emotional feeling that I remember is “fear”. I had fear all around me, there were so many fights emotionally and physically with those that I loved, I would hide and watch the pain inflicted on my mother by these men that had lost all hope in their own lives, taking advantage of my mother and raping her, leaving her passed out, sometimes I too was apart of these actions. I learned to master how not to be noticed, keeping my breath very shallow, keeping so still that I could almost feel myself disappearing to avoid the pain these people would pass through our home. My mother gave up in her own soul as well, thinking that there wasn’t any good in mankind. She has loved deeply and been betrayed deeply to the point of if you can’t beat them join them; this is when I started seeing them beat her up emotionally & physically even more than when she still had hope inside of her.
As a little girl I found kinship with the animals and insects, this is part of my journey of knowing that we’re all energy. Just like the loving energy that I would feel comfort me when I was so full of fear and tears. I didn’t know exactly who it was, I just knew “spirit” loved me and soothed my pain. They communicated with me telepathically; no words were exchanged, and this was natural. I spoke very little when I was a little girl, I spent so much time alone that I created my own language. The only one that was able to make sense of me was my brother. The most communication I had was with my personal relationship with spirit; most would call it “imaginary friends”. That is what the grown ups would call it when they that couldn’t explain or care to listen, their fears and judgments were already in place.
Spirit would always try to calm my anxiety down. My fear ran so high that I had a hard time doing this; but their love was so warm and strong, it is a love beyond our understanding here. I would absorb this love up and allow it to blanket me and fall asleep to it. I would beg them not to leave me, they assured me they were always with me. I remember them sharing with me that all of this is part of my life purpose and I will understand it one day – that I was much stronger than I realize.
When I got older I recall my sister would tell me I lived like an animal back than (she & her husband rescued me from the environment with my mother). You know in a sense I was like an animal, I lived solely by my instincts. I didn’t have the care of adults around me, I didn’t have a language that was known to mankind, I spoke very little, and was guided only by my instincts. I would disappear in a room and be an observer. I was able to feels other’s energy, their emotions, thoughts and their next course of actions. I was surprised that these people were not able to pick up on the things I was sensing and fall into these traps they set for each other. The other big thing I noticed was that even though they didn’t show it, they also had much fear inside of them. Very rarely would you hear someone say what they were really feeling from their soul. When one person did, they were cast out with the anger from these people – how dare they say what all of them wanted to but wouldn’t dare, for the fear of change or admitting they were wrong.
When my sister & her husband took me in is when I started getting educated on how to speak English and go to school to gain knowledge, playing with real kids, going to bed at night in a clean warm bed, eating actual meals; life started to change. I started to feel like I belonged somewhere that might bring hope and give me the ability to escape my fears.
I still knew that spirit was with me; my instincts were still the wisdom of my soul. I tried speaking of this a few times, and right away got knocked down for it. I started to feel pushed away, so immediately I would shut it all down. I wanted to feel like I belonged even though I knew something wasn’t “real” in this thing that I wanted to belong to – it wasn’t real like the spiritual realm. I felt I was trapped on this Earth and had to find a way to survive in it and not tell anyone my secret.
I would use my instincts / knowing throughout my life without letting my secret out by giving what some would call “advice”. In reality I was sharing what was being relayed to me from a spiritual knowing. So many would ask me how I knew the things that I did, I would say oh I don’t know I just guessed. There were a couple of times I tried to tell where and I could see immediately they would get uncomfortable and start pulling away; so again I would turn it into a joke and say I was guessing!
I went through a few periods of my life drowning my spiritual side out, and this is when my life turned into a living hell. It gave me a whole new meaning of “fear”. I started seeking spirit again, begging for forgiveness for forsaking them. I would turn back to spirit and rely once again on them. Of course they were there, just waiting on my return. With each return to spirit I became stronger and stronger, being able to get over the hurdles in my life. I learned what didn’t work, I also learned spirit was the only way to freedom of the bondage we feel in our human flesh with man made beliefs. Even though people claim their dogma is from God, is it really? God doesn’t manipulate, judge, reject another person / soul because of their ways. I love the Bible for it shares so many examples, like the one where Jesus invited Matthew the tax collector to eat a meal with his disciples and the religious people became upset; Jesus shared the words of wisdom of His Father that he came for everyone.
To make a long story short, spirit has been preparing me for a long time to do the work I do, which is my secret with spirit. It took me until 4 years ago to get the courage to start the process of doing this. Why did it take me so long? Because I never knew what it was like to belong; the only way I could belong is by going with man made beliefs. I knew when I tried before I was shut out of the spiritual realm. I knew that by choosing spirit I was going to be shut out by many on Earth, but spirit also showed me it will be from those that cling to their religious dogma the strongest that will cast me out, and it has been so.
Does it break my heart that these people shut me out? Yes! My husband & kids are rejected as well (from members of their own family). I don’t hold anger toward these people, I will still welcome them into my home and fix them a good meal, give them a warm bed, help them in need as spirit shows me. Even though I know we are not welcome, as Jesus said to his father “Forgive them Father for what they do not understand”.
My husband is a Godly man, he doesn’t preach at you, judge or ridicule you, he lives by the golden rule “Treat others as you would like to be treated”. My children are gifted as well, both as little kids when they were able to communicate from their Godly self, they would share with me seeing loved ones in the afterlife. Our son Brandon pointed to Mama (grandma) – in spirit she was standing next to him. He too has strong instincts, a knowing that only comes from spirit. Brandon & I would talk telepathically to each other for it was just the two of us for a while there. I hadn’t paid attention that we were doing this until he started school and they said he had a speech impairment. I was shocked, they started asking questions about how we communicate in the house and that is when I took noticed of what we had been doing. Our daughter Maria she sees loved ones that have crossed over, she has met her spirit guide, she sees spirits trapped between worlds. Both of these kids are wise with spirit that comes from them, not of my influence or teaching. I bless them with them owning their gifts and that they use them wisely in this world. Since birth I would lay down with Brandon at night for prayers, saying the Lord’s Prayer then start opening up communication with spirit. Every morning driving to school Maria & I will say the Lord’s Prayer with added sharing from our heart. No we don’t go to church every Sunday, yes God is in our hearts every single day and mentioned in our home, our home is full of love and you can see and feel the spirit of God in our home by the way we live and treat each other and those that come into our home.
Yes I am doing what I have been guided to do by spirit by creating Inner Spirit Rhythm. It has been a bumpy road for I was still very nervous doing it, yet I knew I had to. After all it’s part of my divine purpose here. I started off taking on man made beliefs regarding spirit and again I started to feel shame with spirit, for I wasn’t trusting them completely. Spirit reminded me how they protected me as a child and throughout my life, they still will if I would trust & have faith in their teachings. So I am keeping it loyal to their ways, after all this is a gift for a divine purpose. Yes I charge a price, so does the church, it is all tithing – that is how it is shown to me. I don’t take advantage of people and I give way more than what is asked for. I don’t post on the social media to brag about the powerful readings shared, I give in the name of spirit and let it go in peace.
For those that say you love me but have to reject me and my family, so let it be. Also I like those to know my family still loves and welcomes you in our home in our hearts as Jesus does.
My secret is that I love God and the whole kingdom of heaven. It is this truth that saved my soul from darkness, it is this truth that gifted me with my instincts to know what is of man and what is of God, it is this truth that I have been blessed with my husband, children & dogs. If living this truth bares the pain of the hurt of others that don’t match their religious beliefs, I pray for you too, as we keep marching in our faith always with love for all of you.